Heh...formalities...

Ok, i got a gift from one of the sensei`s that is leaving. I said thanks, in a quiet and half dead voice lacking confidence... I cant hold up any more it seems, `un, hai, un, domo, un` i get headaches, yet do it when i listen to people or talk with them on the phone...just like walking into the stores and hearing a million `irrashyaimase` in chant, its like a fucking robot factory of greetings sometimes, its insane..... Im sure english has enough parallels (you might have to look for them in different areas and strech your imagination) that im uncongnicent of since i was brought up in the environment and learned to ignore my own ideosyncratic ways and mannerisms out of being embedded in them. But my supervisor told me afterwards `chyantto arigatoo wo hanashitekudasai` (ie correctly say your welcome for getting the gift), though i did when he wasnt in the room and i received the present...But he assumed im a rude asswhole, or i assume he does...And I am for the most part, out of either apathy, self doubt, or whatever.. It feels so stiff, like something you have to do, void of all actual feeling... at least thats how things are coming to look more and more.... I couldnt last a week in an american corporate setting either, so its a matter of setting.. I dont know, this is kind of a blog with many biases, but i guess i can be honest with myself and say they are there..