Slow decay...

Chimerical Lived Experience, Euphoric of the infinite...

Slow Decay...

This post is going to stay away from the pretensiousness of the last one... and reflect upon some more immediate thoughts (well the last post was immediate for that conjecture, but i think ill get across some different points with this). Fucking dreams... Fucking chimeras...... Some aspire for relationships, others for power, and even others for something called contentment. It seems i desire my own lack, my own limit, my own incapacities, the desiring of the desire. The feeling of longing, of self lack, of hating what one is, of wanting to negate that lack through negating the lack of the lack (i.e. suicide). Well.... All this shit keeps coming back. Tauntings, realized dreams, well apparently they should be realized dreams (why shouldnt you be happy boy, your accomplishing what you wanted to as a child.....)well here is the dream state actualized, lived, yet the romance continues, one wishes one had courage to talk, to speak, to form lasting relationships... It seems the only way i can forge relationships is through making others freak out about how my health is deteriorating, or a sense of guilt at my pathetic self loathing...............i dont know, at least thats how i feel some times... which makes me hate myself even more...