quite content to live in the rubble....

just sitting, engaging people, having them laugh at me for no reason sometimes (in my head of course)... I cant help but come to the solitude that if i isolate myself from others enough i will grow accustomed to this, it was only the nagging of being around others, of returning to america, of spending time in kyoto/tokyo that made me crack....i suppose that being alone makes the memories fade after a horrendous uproar of nostalgic constructivism with regards to memories/ect... oh well... I felt like i was doing something interesting i guess..heh sitting at my desk, i kind of want to draw, to create, to soar, but i wont...i know i wont because my affordances and self schema implore me to dash all hopes i have to make me into a sullen ghost/monster or whathave you... at least there are the illusions....i can hold onto those cant i? but that will destroy me im sure..ahh...sigh...well, here goes nothing *holds breath*