wedding speeches

18 hours there, 18 back. going back is always harder unless it's home. at a toll booth in chicago, the lady at the manual booth was asleep when i pulled up. it was early in the morning and there was no one before me or behind me. i considered my options, to wait until she awoke, to wake her, to run the toll booth like any good action flick. she awoke before i decided to bust through the barricade. toll booth workers, gas station attendants, small town highway stop hotel/restaurant working locals, what do they know of love? enough to keep working. i'm not the type of person that should be giving wedding speeches.

RADIANT SMILES

I feel reduced to a pre-infintile state. A fragile uncontrollable oddity....somthing sanctioned....outside the norms of accepted behavior.....Idiocy and unability to control oneself....It makes ones sense of identity and personal vunerability reach to the highest heights. I woke up today feeling a bit more alone, more isolated, more pathetic, more sad at the state of humanity (as a reflection of my schema and self image). I sit in a room listening to a clock tick....a day of messing up at elementary school is over, a Headache gone after 11hrs of sleep. I wish i didnt have any sort of self schema...but then again how could i act, or even conceive motivation.. But alas, isnt that where this all points to...the motivational discontent, the longing for something else, the desire for the alterity....lonesome day....heh...its kind of humorous...well my self humility has increased exponentially after teaching elementary school kids, but at least i seemed to make a connection with one of them.....i guess thats all i could hope for, and thus am overwhelmed with feelings of gratitude....i dont know what this is about mostly, i dont think i should... but here i am, in the shadows of my own self fuckups....sitting at a computer as usual...digital escapes, electronic meloncholy....spelling errors galore....here i sand before you with all my pride and prejiduces shorne to the ground... I feel like dancing, like being the jesture, like just soliciting a look of insanity from everyone, just to reaffirm their concepts of saniy and the norm.. dance.....

{RADIANT SMILE}

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{Emaculate Slumber}
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